Why I Left

I am a coward.

Yep.

A yellow-bellied coward.

A while back, I wrote this amazingly transparent blog post, one of my most popular to date, and I tucked my tail and ran.

I'll tell you why.  I was going through a very trying time with my husband's extended unemployment season and God wanted me to pour it all out

right here

on this blog

for the world (or my little small piece of it, anyway) to see.


He wanted me to share about my joys, angst, teary midnight hours, debilitating fear, and, most importantly, my guilt about not going back to work when my husband couldn't find a job.

Lamb to the slaughter is just not my thing.  I don't look good in bloody white wool.  Sorry.  Let's be real.  That's what would've happened.  A social media crucifixion from those who would've raked me through the coals as a lazy bon-bon eating housewife who was too selfish to go forth and conquer in order to help her husband.  Or, so I imagined in my head, anyway.  But, really.

What kinda woman does that?

This one.

Why? When we knew there was a possibility that he would lose his job due to economic downturn, I cried out to the Father and said, "Lord, it's your girl, Trina.  You know me.  I'll go in and knock it out of the park.  You just say the word.  You told us to homeschool these three boys you gave us, but if you need me to end this season for a while and grab my bat, I will.  I've got common sense, Lord, and if it calls for a game changing play, I'll win one for the team.  Put me in the game, Coach.  However, if you want me here, at home, then I want you to tell my husband.  If he loses his job, I'm going to ask him what he wants me to do.  If he says to stay home, I will know without a shadow of a doubt that you called that play, because we both know it will take an act of the Supernatural to get him to say something like that in such a time as this!"

Then, he came home in the middle of the day.  He said, "They let me go." I held him tight and I said, "Put me in the game, coach." Then, he told me he wanted me to continue to homeschool the kids

at home

as God has called me to do.

My stomach dropped down to my toes.

Try explaining that to people who love you and are concerned about your family.  It doesn't go over too well.  I felt raw.

Exposed.

Vulnerable.

Alone.

It was so hard to lean in and trust.  It was so hard to keep my eyes on Him as He led us out upon the waters and ignore the looks, comments, and well-meaning talking-to's.

If I dealt with that in my daily life, why in the world would I subject myself to the type of potential backlash that could occur from posting it in the blogosphere? I ignored the messages from people who told me they were inspired to trust God more because of what they saw us walking through.  I didn't take encouragement from the many who silently supported us and uplifted us.

No, when God wanted to use this little blog as a means to offer inspiration and hope to my very few readers and Facebook friends as I shared about walking through that journey with Him, I panicked.

 And I hid.

And I left the blogosphere.

I dimmed my light and receded into darkness, keeping the many ways He showed up and showed out in our lives to myself.

So, that's the truth.

I left because, in my moment of very broken humanity, I imagined my God too small to fulfill what He said He would do to His glory through my life story.

Don't we all?  At some point, we all stumble and take our eyes off of Him.  Isn't that why we need a Savior?

I left, but I'm back, and I may or may not write later about why I came back.  Thanks for sticking around.

Last Night of 2014

I always thought the "one word for the New Year" thing was trendy and hokey, until out of nowhere, the Lord dropped one on me on the last day of 2013: "Live," as in the verb. Immediately, the scripture reference came .


John 10:10 ESV The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.  


So, I was excited because it was just too weird and yet so promising, and I came up with all these plans and resolutions for what I thought He was referring to. Well, summer came and the resolutions didn't happen and I was feeling down. So, I stopped thinking about "Live" and moved on with my life. 

Last Saturday, as I was driving, the word came back to me and I saw clearly how God meant it when He said "Live." It was like a tape played and He recapped all the ways He has delivered me this year from my stinking thinking that has really held me back and had me bound for years, the issues He's resolved that were past their expiration dates, and the ways he has bound up and healed my emotional and spiritual wounds this year and set me on a new path to really live and live freely in, through, and for Him. 

The visual image I had as the tape played was of buckles popping open 

one 

by 

one 

as the images played and, of course, the praise began. 

So, yeah. 

I'm thankful and grateful to serve a faithful and loving God who stands by His word and promises. When the tape finished playing, He gave me a new word: Release. 

I'm not making any plans for it. 

I'm just going to wait and see what He's going to do in 2015 with that word. 

To God be the glory. 

Happy New Years. 

Changes

I started some changes back in September and I want to talk about the inspiration for those changes for a moment.  I was walking out of Lifeway when I saw these beautiful journals adorned with jewels and butterflies and I just had to stop and buy one.  They were on sale, too.  Can't beat that! I wanted to write my story and record my journey to wellness and, ultimately, hopefully to a sense of wholeness.

Here's the deal.  I'm 36 years old.  I've spent my entire adult life waiting to be something.  To be thin. Healthy. Happy. Successful.  Accepted. Capable.  Fill in the blank here.  You know, "Once I get skinny, I will ______."  Well, I that got me absolutely nowhere quickly and I stayed there for a very long time.

In September, I had a wake up call.  Some loved ones and dear friends are battling serious health issues.  They have shown me just how fleeting and precious life is and that we cannot take these bodies for granted.  I only get one life and I need to take care of it.  Also, I need to focus on what matters: God and family.  That's it.

There are lots of great things, but sometimes you have to pare down and focus on the majors. 

Most importantly, and I hate to say this, but I saw a common denominator in my research on some of the issues they are facing...being overweight.  Now, don't get me wrong.  There are other factors, but that was the glaring common denominator and the one thing that I share with all of them.

So, I've made up my mind.  I will be healthy.  I am praying for good health and long life.  However, if I want God to bless me with that, the least I can do is take care of what he's already given me.  Also, some things are hereditary, but if I happen to get any of these ailments, I don't want it to be because I didn't do my part.  That would be very hard to take.

So, in this beautiful journal, I've been recording my journey.  I'll share some of the excerpts here as I work out this growth thing.  Some things are just too personal, but I'll try to be as transparent as possible without hurting those who are near and dear to my heart.

It's time. I'm ready.

It's Been a While

It's been a while.  Life has changed.  I'm still here.  I wish I had a clearly marked road map for where this is going, but I don't.   I am here.  I am back.  I am ready to write.  Please stick around.  The most exciting road trips are the ones without a clear destination.  I hope we don't run out of gas because that's a whole 'nother story.  Never the less, take this joy ride with me.

January 2013 Goals

I almost broke out while making this list, because this is so new for me.  I've decided to evaluate my 2013 goals and break them down into monthly goals to help me reach my objectives. During the process, I realized that some goals were measurable and weren't going to be completed until the end of the year.  Others were basically procedures I wanted to implement.  For example, committing to a 30 minute time of devotion in the mornings is more of a procedure.  Here is my list of short-term goals for January 2013.

Personal Goals:
Memorize Proverbs 31:10-17
Complete weeks 11 and 12 of Bob Green's Total Body Makeover
Read chapters 1-18 of Homeschooling by Heart by Kristina Sabalis Krulikas
Lose 4 pounds

Marriage Goals: 
Ask hubby daily how he wants me to pray for him and/or help him

Mothering Goals: 
Finish weeks 12-14 of Higher Up and Further In Year 1 with Man Cub 1
Start ABC book with Man Cub 2 and complete letter pages for A-C

Family Bonding Goals:
Create list of Family Adventures and go on January's adventure
Create list of family field trips and go on 2 this month 
Create list of parks and visit 1 this month

Homemaking and Organization Goals: 
Finish weeks 1-4 of 52 Weeks to an Organized Home Challenge
Cook 2 new meals
Familiarize myself with my sewing machine by working through the guide that came with it
Read and work through the baking section of my favorite Better Homes and Garden Cookbook
Create monthly goal sheets
Create weekly schedule and chore chart
Create daily chore schedules and possibly check off sheets

Financial Goals:
Talk to hubby about strategy for completing Steps 1 and 2 of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University

Business/Blogging Goals:
Read website for business I'm considering investing in
Read website for dream business
Talk to hubster about how much to invest in setting up shop for third business venture

My Goals for 2013

Inspired by Money Saving Mom's Crystal Paine, I decided to jump in and share my goals for 2013.  In the past, I would try to remember to create new goals around my birthday in June, but I would always forget.   However, I haven't really been feeling like I'm accomplishing as much as I would like to accomplish, so I thought I would use her categories to help me organize my thoughts on what I hope to implement this year. 

This looks like a staggering list, but not when you take a closer look.  Honestly, I'm at a point in my life where it's either get some of this stuff under my belt or just continue to let life pass me by.  I'm not going out like that, so I guess I'm going to just get 'er done.   I'll keep you posted on how it's going throughout the year. 

Personal Goals:

Give 30 minutes to God every morning so I can have time to let Him guide my devotions

Memorize Proverbs 31: 10-31

Memorize 1 Corinthians 13

Memorize James 1

Read 3 personal development books related to spiritual growth and apply them

Return to using my categorized prayer lists to rotate specifically praying for myself and others daily

Complete Bob Green’s Total body Makeover Beginner Level (2 weeks left!)

Complete Jillian Michael’s 30-Day Shred

Complete Couch to 5K in the spring and run a 5K

Get at least 7 hours of sleep at least 5 days out of the week

Wake up at 5 am, have devotion, exercise, and dress by 7 am

Read 24 books and apply them

Reinstate 1 Saturday a month for Mom’s Day Out

Reach my end-of-year weight loss goal

Marriage Goals:

Work through Stormie O’Martian’s Power of a Praying Wife 3 times (once each quarter)

Read and apply 3 Marriage Books

Start meeting to discuss scripture with my love weekly

Reinstate planning sessions: yearly, quarterly, monthly, and weekly

Have date night at home every Sunday evening

Date night out once a month

1 overnight stay (even if at home) without the boys

Remember to ask him daily how he wants me to pray for him and/or help him

Mothering Goals (I love that term):

Tomato-staking

1 20 minute weekly date night before bed every week they are home

Use Age Appropriate Chore List to help them learn chores

Teach Man Cub 1 how to cook by working with me on all meals

Finish HUFI Year 1 and start HUFI Year 2 for CM subjects with Man Cub1

Start Saxon Math 65 with Man Cub 1 at age 10

Finish HUFI Preschool with Man Cub 2 and start HUFI Kindergarten(sniff!)

Start Before Five in a Row with Man Cub 3 at age 3

Bake once a week with the boys

Teach Man Cub 1 how to set goals, plan, and achieve with one self-directed project

Swimming lessons for Man Cubs 1 and 2 this summer

Potty-train Man Cub 3

2 arts/crafts projects per month

Outdoor play for at least 30 minutes every day unless it’s raining or they are sick

Family Bonding Goals:

Complete 1 Family Adventure per month

Go on 2 field trips each month

Visit at least 12 different parks this year

Complete1 family service project, if possible (need to check age requirements)

Ministry/Friendship/Extended Family Goals:

Connect with and pray with/for accountability partner weekly

Get together with friends for a playdate at least once a month

Complete at least one planned act of service each month

Contact my parents/grandmothers weekly

Contact via phone, email, or text my sisters and sisters-in law monthly (1 per week)

Host guests at my house at least every 3 months

Attend one Christian women’s conference or workshop this year

Attend Texas Home School Coalition Conference

Visit each grandparent once this year

Send two notes of encouragement per month

Connect (whether phone, email, card, or text) with a friend or cousin twice each month

Send out Christmas cards this year!

Let the boys call and talk to their grandparents once a week (alternate grandparents)

Homemaking and Organization Goals:

Create a system that works for me by the end of January and stick to it

Finish 52 Weeks to an Organized Home Challenge

Cook at least 2 new meals per month

Learn to sew by practicing bi-weekly

Learn to bake and decorate cakes and cupcakes by practicing bi-weekly

Sit down and plan/assess my month/week every month/week

Review my goals weekly, monthly, and quarterly

 

Financial Goals:

Complete Baby Step 1 and start Baby Step 2 of Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University

Buy a new camera  

Redecorate Man Cub 1's  room to make it a preteen room (sniff! sniff!)

Business/Blogging Goals:

Blog at least once a week, but commit to once a week

Take a writing or blogging course

Professional development course for proofreading or editing

Research investing in the 2 businesses I’m considering by June

Start the business that is close to my heart in the last quarter

Look into selling on Amazon or Ebay and have it up and running (if interested) by March

Priority Shift

Mordecai, the Jew, was second in rank to King Xerxes, preeminent among the Jews, and held in high esteem by his many fellow Jews, because he worked for the good of his people and spoke up for the welfare of the Jews.  Esther 10:3

It is in those coveted still hours of the morning when all is quiet in the house that I find it easiest to devote myself and my time to God.   What I really love are those moments when the Lord causes a paradigm shift that totally flips my thought life, causing radical life change.  Such a time was this.

I was finishing up Chapter 10 of the book of Esther and found myself spontaneously praying that I could learn to do the right thing in adverse situations so that I could also have the reward of elevation like God did for Mordecai.  Then, the Holy Spirit convicted me and pointed out the fact that Mordecai, Queen Esther's biological cousin and adoptive father, received his elevation because his actions were in service to God and his people.  The elevation was a natural overflow of righteous living.

I need to get my priorities in order.  

God first.

Simply because He is God.

Sometimes, we seek to be elevated but God desires that we follow Him.  That we do what's right simply because it pleases Him.  In relationships, we study our loved ones to find out what pleases them and we put that thing on repeat because we desire that relationship with them.  We crave their happiness because it inspires our own happiness.

God wants us to do the same for Him. That, alone, should be our heart's motivation.

To do what is honorable because it furthers our relationship with Him.  Then, He will elevate us if He chooses, but that is just the icing on an already rich and decadent cake.  I can't afford to miss out on the deliciously moist richness of the cake itself, because I'm too busy trying to get to the icing.

Life Change Challenge: One Step at a Time

So I was going to keep moving forward with this life change challenge.  Originally, my idea was to choose something once a week.  I've been able to push forward with certain areas, but this sleep thing has me a little stumped.  I'm not expecting perfection, but I definitely want to see improvement.

One of the purposes of this challenge is to share what I am learning as I go along.

What I'm learning right now is sometimes it's okay to stop.  Even when I am making a lifestyle change, sometimes there are other changes, some prerequisites if you will, that need to be mastered before I can really get into that change. 

And that's okay.  It's okay to expose my imperfections  To admit that I am not perfect in this thing.  That I don't have it all together and down pat.  That's the whole entire point of this Life Change Challenge.

Yet, I struggle with wanting to share all of this with you guys because I didn't want to seem like I wasn't  being successful.  But, the reality is I'm not.  I'm learning and I'm growing and there is no failure in learning and growth unless I quit. 

I'm breaking this thing down into smaller segments because we all know how you eat an elephant.  One bite at a time.  So, I'm just going to slow down, get my strategy together, and advance on my enemy in minute steps.  As long as I continue to move forward I will win this war on sleeplessness.

I'm reworking this life challenge as I go along because this is about the challenge of  changing my life; of making my life better.  If I need to slow down in some areas, I will.  This week, I'm going to focus on cutting technology off by 9:00.  That is my hard and fast rule.  My cell phone stays on all night for safety reasons, but it will no longer be used for facebook, internet, or to do lists.  Anything beyond that point will just have to be done on paper. 

One step at a time.

Tips from the Trenches: 7 Simple Steps to Getting Started in Homeschooling, Part 3

This is the final post in our series on Getting Started in Homeschooling.  So far, I've shared what I know about seeking God's will in your homeschooling decision and educating yourself on the laws of your state.  I have also talked about creating your support system.  Today, I will close out with thoughts on arming yourself with knowledge and choosing curriculum. 

Arm yourself with knowledge!

Taking your child’s education into your own hands is an amazing adventure, but you need to educate yourself in order to educate your child.  Spend time researching, both online and at your local bookstore or library, about homeschooling philosophies, learning styles, organization, and techniques.  Once you’ve completed this important step, you will be better equipped to develop your own philosophy on home educating your uniquely gifted children.

Choose a curriculum

So far, you have learned about state requirements, found some mentors through online and local support groups, and you’ve read everything you can about homeschooling.  Now, it’s time to take that knowledge and apply it to choosing curriculum.  Whether homemade, online, or published, the most important thing is to make sure that it fits the needs of your child.  If, as you get into the school year, you realize that your curriculum choice is not a good fit, it is perfectly acceptable to tweak it or even toss it out and start over.  I know we've done this!  Just remember, education is about teaching a child, not a curriculum.

Ease into it

The best thing a parent can do when homeschooling is to ease into the curriculum.  Choose one or two subjects to start and work on those, adding new subjects each week until all subjects have been added.  What can you do in the meantime?  Introduce and practice new routines.  Read, play, and laugh together.  Explore nature.   Get to know your child as a student and make the necessary adjustments.  The tendency is to want to jump right in, but please trust the process.  Taking this time will make all the difference in the world in setting your family’s homeschool up for success. 

This is just a beginning.  There is so much more to learn and discover on this homeschooling journey.  May the Lord go before you and prepare the way as you seek to home educate your children.  

Life Change Challenge: Creating a Well-worn Path

When I started this Life Change Challenge, my goal was to implement one change a week until all of the necessary changes I need to make in my life were in place.  In the past, I have tried baby steps, but quickly grown bored with the pace.  I have also tried drastically overhauling my life and making a boatload of changes all at once.  I'm sure you know how that went.

This time, I really wanted the changes to stick.  So, I thought one change a week was a great compromise.  And, it has been.  I've been able to get my boys back on schedule, dedicate and show up for a great block of time of devotion with the Lord first thing in the morning, and focus on this blog.  These changes have added great value to my life.

However, what I am finding is some changes take a little bit longer and require greater focus to really stick. And, that's okay.  I'm in this for the long haul. Paths are created by the continuous tread in the same location.  I'll walk this path until it's well-worn and smooth, because I like where this path is leading me. 

So, I will continue to work on that 10 o' clock bed time.  So far, I have been impressed with the results.  I think a huge difference came when I started cutting off the electronic gadgets at 9 o' clock.  I'm not going to pretend to know the science of it all, but I do believe there is something to allowing the brain to calm down after the hard work of processing bright lights, flashing screens, and the information overload that plagues our generation. 

Currently, this is what my bed time routine looks like:
9:00
Head to my room to get away from the television and computer screens.  Unfortunately, this means not hanging out with my hubby if he is watching TV.  However, it is a necessary sacrifice for something that I think will reap far greater rewards overall for myself, my marriage, and my family. 

9:30
Dress for bed, pray, and climb in to my fluffy bed with a good book.  I usually prefer fiction at bed time because it does not demand anything of me.

10:00 (or no later than 10:30)
Lights out and the party's over.  Mama's headed to Dream Land and she will see you in the morning. 

I'm going to park here for another week as I work out the rough edges.  I have a hard time staying asleep.  I think it's because I'm so used to getting up with little ones and not allowing myself to get enough sleep.  I think my body is adjusting. We will see. 

Tips from the Trenches: 7 Simple Steps to Getting Started in Homeschooling, Part 2

Yesterday, we started this short series on getting started in homeschooling.  Today, I'm going to talk about creating a support system.  

Join an online support group

I can't say enough about the importance of creating a support system.  Raise your hand if you haven't had a hard time finding people amongst your family and friends who support your homeschooling decision.  Oh, not too many hands, huh? Well, your support is out there, but you have to be willing to go get it.

The easiest way is to join an online homeschool support group, email ring, or message board.  These are treasure troves of first-hand accounts and words of wisdom from veteran homeschoolers.  Members also share personal reviews on homeschooling and educational products and services.  Most importantly, when you can’t leave your home, it is a great way to take a break and get some much needed moral support.  Then, jump right back into your routine.

I personally belong to several groups on Yahoo! Groups and Facebook.  Each serve their own purpose and I benefit from and contribute to all of them.  

Join a local support group

While not a necessity, joining a local support group allows you to meet other like-minded people and make life-long friendships for both yourself and your children.  Local support groups have so much to offer in the way of park days, field trips, academic, enrichment, and social activities, parent support, and shoulders to cry on! All jokes aside, the homeschooling load is so much easier when you surround yourself with others who are on a similar path.

My homeschool peeps, as we affectionately refer to each other, rejoice together, encourage each other, share resources, speak hard truths in love, and have each others back on the homeschooling journey. I hope you allow yourself to find the same. 

If you can't find what you are looking for, please be brave and create it!  I'm sure there are other like-minded people who are just waiting for an opportunity to connect. 

Tips from the Trenches: 7 Simple Steps to Getting Started in Homeschooling

So, you’re thinking about homeschooling, but you’re not quite sure where to start.  Well, lucky you!  As a veteran with four years under my belt (yes, that was meant to be funny), I do have a little bit of knowledge to share.

Even though the school year has already started, there are parents who are preparing to take their children out of school and begin homeschooling them for various reasons.  There are also new and more experienced homeschoolers who need either a crash course or reminder of the what and why's of homeschooling.  There are even those who are thinking about it, but are not quite sure.  This blog post is for all of you.

I've created a list of steps that will answer some of your questions and ensure a smooth transition into home learning.  Today, I will share the first two.  Please note that this is not a legal document and you should seek professional legal advice for any legal questions you may have in regards to homeschooling.  With that said, let’s begin!

Pray
Seek the Lord's will for your family.  Where does He want you to go with this?  Ask Him to reveal anything that He wants you to focus on as you teach and raise your children to His glory.  Most of all, ask for wisdom and patience.  Please know that asking for both means you will have plenty of opportunity to flex and grow those patience and wisdom muscles!  Yet, that's what parenting does.  It helps shape and mold us more into the image of Christ.

Seeking the Lord's counsel also helps you have a foundation for those times when you are ready to throw up your hands (oh, they will come).  Then, you can remind yourself of the reasons why you are doing what you are doing. 

Know the state requirements

Thankfully, as of this writing, homeschooling is legal in every state in the Union.  God bless the USA! It is a great idea to start with your state's department of education website.  In my state, you can find the legal information right there on the site.  Here in Texas, homeschools are considered private schools and must be conducted in a bona fide manner.  Basically, the state trusts you to be honest and honorable when you say you are homeschooling.  No shams allowed! Also, your written curriculum of choice needs to cover the basics in reading, spelling, grammar, math, and good citizenship.  For more information, please visit the Texas Homeschool Coalition’s website.

Readers in other states can find reliable information on the HSLDA website.  

Life Change Challenge: Sometimes, You Have to Rewind

For the most part, I have been very committed to this Life Change Challenge.  However, I often have to remind myself that this is a sprint; not a marathon.  All things come together in due season. 

Update:
Let's start off with the good news.  Dedicating the second 30 minutes of my day to this blog was a very wise decision.  I usually try to work this blog around my life, but then I never get to it.  As a wife and mom, there is always an emergency or higher priority if I allow it.  I'll come up with ideas and write down notes but then the expiration date on the vibrancy of the memory expires and I can't recapture it when I finally find time to write.  So, this devoted 30 minutes is giving me the chance to flesh out ideas when they are freshest in my memory.  I am also able to handle the marketing and networking tasks that I have been delaying due to a lack of time and content.

Okay.  Now, it's time for full disclosure.  I fell off the Early to Bed, Early to Rise wagon some time around week 5.  I have so much on my mind with the residual effects of my husband's unemployment season.  God has proven himself to be Jehovah Jireh, providing for our needs time and time again. For the past three weeks, my husband has been working as a contract accountant which is nothing but a God thing.  Maybe I'll share that story sometime.

Yet, I still find myself laying awake at night when the house is still, waiting to hear that first silent crack of the foundation of our security opening beneath us to suck us down to a point of no return.  God whispers, "I will take care of you," but I often try to drown Him out with the constant clatter of my thoughts and worries rattling around in my head.   I guess I've been working under the false assumption (read as from the enemy) that I can somehow control my circumstances if I just stay up late enough and keep watch.  Silly rabbit....

This healthy sleep pattern thing is a very steep mountain for me, but I am determined to keep climbing.  I am no good to anyone in this house if I don't get enough sleep.  I can't finish or even think properly about this life season's God-given assignments if my brain is not getting sufficient rest.  Maybe that's the point; to distract me from pressing toward the mark.

Challenge Renewed:
This week, I have been focusing on acquiring new habits to help me sleep peacefully.  This means no more caffeine or candy.  I'm thinking this will help my waistline, too.  My goal is to get outside in the morning for at least 30 minutes, with or without the kiddos, to help reset my body clock.  I'm reminded of what the baby books tell new moms about opening curtains during the day to help their newborns develop proper sleep habits. And of course, getting out the door every day for some exercise whether it's gardening, walking, or biking with my kiddos.   Every night (okay, I started last night), I turn off my electronic gadgets: TV, computer, and cell phone.  By 9:30, I start preparing for bed so that I can climb in by 10.

I'm also establishing boundaries.  Last night, ten minutes before my bed time, my sweet husband wanted to talk about finances.  He wanted to discuss some numbers that were running through his head.  Now, here is the problem.. If you read my comments above, you know that this is not a good time to talk to me.  He will go to sleep, content to have gotten it out, and I will stay awake trying to solve our problems.  He loves me, and doesn't realize the potential effect.  So, it was up to me to protect my need to have peaceful rest.  As a result, I took responsibility for the the sanctity of my sleep routine and told him we would have to discuss this at another time much earlier in the day so that I could actually think about what he is saying and remember it.  But, right now, sweetie, I want to protect my bedtime.  He pressed on, and I repeated my request.  Well, the light bulb clicked and he lovingly respected my new boundary.  I love a good man.  Don't you?

Finally, and most importantly,  I have been emptying my mind by presenting my fears and concerns before the Lord and giving them to Him.  I also have a time of confession every evening, reviewing my day and pouring out any areas that need forgiveness or any areas where I need to extend forgiveness.  I end that prayer as my head hits the pillow by asking Him to give me the peaceful sleep He promises in His word.  And, so He does.

Shopping with Boys takes Guts

<sup>There is a reason why moms should not shop with their sons.  Sons are brutally honest, calling it like they see it with no hint of malice or guile.   Let me set the scene for you. 

Not So Young Suburban Mom (NSYSM) is strolling down the aisle in Target with her Oldest Son on a sunny midweek afternoon.  She attentively listens to him as he gives a detailed description of the toy he hopes to purchase before leaving the store.  

Wait.  What's this?  Out of the corner of her eye, NSYSM sees it.  A bold color blocked maxi dress in vivid shades of fuschia and tangerine.  It is sleek and chic.  Perfect for a day at the park with the boys or a night on the town with the Mister.  

As the store's sights and sounds fade away, NSYSM glides over to this great vision, pulls it off the rack, and asks Oldest Son, "Sweetie, don't you think this dress would like nice on Mom?" 

And then it happens.  

With a very serious scrunched up expression on his little caramel brown face, Oldest Son says, " Yes. But, don't you think it's a little too small?"

Did you hear the sound of my jaw hitting the floor?


I would like to be mad.  Yet, the truth is my son was really trying to be helpful.  He presented the facts.  Facts that I am in control of.  

It is true.  I have not done a good job of taking care of myself.  This is not the first time this moment has happened in my life.  Sometimes, this moment happens when I am alone in a store.  This scenario has actually played itself out in some type of way for the past 12 years.

I'm laughing, but I am very serious about what I am about to say. 

It is time for me to get my life back on track.  God can not get the glory out of my decision to live in a perpetual state of self-sabotage.

You can only make so many excuses.  You can only read so many books, watch so many podcasts, and subscribe to so many self-help blogs, before you finally have to decide that enough is enough and it is time to help yourself! 

So, you can find me over here in the Help Yourself Camp.  I have waved the white flag of surrender and told the Lord that I surrender all of this to Him.  I cannot do this by myself because I have tried.  There are some definite changes that need to occur in my life.  Some idols that need to be cast down.  Some stumbling blocks that need to be removed.  Unfortunately, even some relationships that may need to be restructured.

It has been awkward to put myself first when I have poured the past twelve years of my life into putting myself on the back burner. There have been growing pains for us all as I have worked on weaving these Life Change Challenges into the fabric of my life.  Yet, it is worth it, and through God's grace, I am growing, changing, stretching, and reproducing new life into dead spaces.  I feel like I have gone from being nonliving to living.  Where have I been all of my life?</sup> 

 So,  I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!  Romans 7:21-25

Life Change Challenge: Committed to Blogging

First, I want to thank all you who have joined me in this Life Change Challenge. It has truly been a blessing.  Sharing our triumphs and challenges as we push each other on has increased my personal commitment to this challenge.  I'm glad to have you on this journey.   I want to stop going around the same mountain and just get to the other side already! Don't you? 

Challenge Update:
Last week, I committed to waking up by 6:00 every morning for prayer and devotion.  My goal was to give myself enough time to have unhurried, uninterrupted time with the Father. In the past, my time of devotion was very one sided and plagued with a bad case of the "give me's" and the "fix it's."  Yet, I felt the Lord pulling on my heart strings, inviting me to desire more of Him. 

Last week's challenge exceeded my expectations.  But, isn't that just like God?  I rolled out of bed, walked into my guest bedroom, and sat quietly before the Lord. In prayer, I asked Him to lead me into worship and guide me through this committed time of devotion.  Oh, did He ever! 

Who knew that carving thirty minutes out of my day would lead to so much fulfillment and joy? Who knew that prayers would be answered, answers to problems would be given, and guidance would be so evident that I could see the ordered steps before me?  Who knew that in the midst of raised hands, uplifted face, rivers of tears, and songs of sweet praise, the Holy Spirit could make His presence known in that little guest bedroom on the corner of my house and minister to my spirit?

There is no place like the love of God. 

So, I am sold.  This change is here to stay.  My life has new meaning and purpose and it all derives from just that small sliver of time in my busy day. 

New Life Change Challenge: 
This week, I am committing to spending the second 30 minutes of my day on blogging.  Whether it's writing, marketing, media relations, networking, or developing my craft, it is time for my to get serious about this blogging ministry.

So, how did your personal Life Change Challenge work for you last week?  What are you working on this week?  Please share in the comments or join me on my facebook page.

Frogs on the Brain

My favorite resources for homeschooling my children are the free programs and services offered through our local precinct.  Whether it's guided nature studies, free science and nature classes, or library story time, I know my boys are going to learn something new about this wonderful world we live in.  

Well, I was not disappointed this morning when I took the little ones, ages 2 and 4, to preschool story time at our local library.  Even the 9 year old dropped his Mr. Cool facade and really enjoyed today's frog theme.  As I was sitting there listening to the stories, my homeschooling mommy brain started turning over ideas for a short study on frogs using many of the resources I already have at home and on the internet. I also got on Facebook and asked my homeschooling and classroom teacher friends to join me in coming up with some ideas.  

The beauty of homeschooling is the flexibility.  We can take a break from our normal studies and pursue areas of interests because we have the time to do so.  Then, we just get back on track and keep going until the next idea sparks an interest in deeper study. 

I decided to share the final list of ideas below.  My thought is to just go down the list of ideas until we reach the end, or not.  It all depends on the boys' interest level.  I'm also open to any suggestions my boys come up with as we go along. 

Read Aloud:  In the Small, Small Pond by Denise Fleming

• Create a concept web on pond animals.  Have the boys draw the pictures.
• Dig up pond water from our neighborhood pond and take a gander at what's swimming around in there.
• Get up early in the morning and observe the pond.  Come back at noon and in the evening to observe what types of animals we see at the pond.  Bring sketch pads so the boys can draw pictures of what they see. Or, maybe just snap pictures and create a Pond Photo Journal.  I'm flexible.
• Nature journal narration for the 9 year old.

Read Aloud: Tadpoles and Frogs by Anna Milbourne

• Create a model of the frog life cycle. 
• Narration and labeled diagram of a frog in nature journal for the 9 year old.

Types of frogs and where they live:

• Read a library book and then locate them on a map. 

Read Aloud: Frog and Toad Series by Arnold Lobel  

• Read aloud to little ones and assign as independent reading for the 9 year old. 
• Verbal narration for the 9 year old. 
• Internet search for the difference between a frog and a toad and record similarities and differences on a compare and contrast chart. 

Read Aloud: The Frog Prince by Brothers Grimm

• Introduce the elements of the fairy tale genre to the 9 year old.
• Narrations and act it out for all. 
• Watch The Frog Prince and discuss the similarities and differences between the play and the story.
• Watch The Princess and the Frog and discuss the similarities and differences between the movie and the story. 

 Frog Dissection 

 I've already recruited my husband for this! I love my boys, but I think this calls for some father/sons bonding time. 

Miscellaneous:

• Read The Adventures of Grandfather Frog by Burgess and give narrations.
• Complete some of the activities from Homeschool Share.
• Lily pad learning activities for all.  I'm thinking of creating language games for the little ones and maybe some math activities for the 9 year old. 
• Art projects
• I'm considering frying frog legs, but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet! 

I usually follow a Charlotte Mason approach and allow the children to make their own connections.  However, I think it's okay to deviate and give them alternative learning opportunities.  This will be our first official multi-age thematic unit and I'm really excited about it.